I Felt Nothing Until I Saw You
by Rescue45
Summary: This takes place after Sweet Revenge. Starsky is home and confess to Hutch what he saw while he was clinically dead.


This takes place after Sweet Revenge. Starsky confess to Hutch what he saw while he was clinically dead.

I Felt Nothing Until I Saw You

It had been a long wait, but Starsky was finally home. Hutch drove him home in 'the tomato.' His partner hadn't said anything, but Hutch knew his partner would enjoy being in his favorite car again. He knew Starsky wanted to make sure Merle fixed her up just right. He had, there were no signs of the damage she had taken that day.

Hutch wanted to have a big welcome party for his best friend, but also knew Starsky wasn't up to it. They would have some friends over in a couple of days. Starsky wanted just the two of them to have a nice quiet night at home. He was looking forward to being in his own place. He had been in the hospital for over a month. He also knew Hutch was exhausted. The physical wounds were his, but the emotional wounds were shared between the both of them.

Starsky was surprised at his ability to heal. So were his doctors and everyone else. Everyone thought he would be able to live through the massive injuries his body suffered.

He made his way up the steps with help from Hutch. They took one step at a time. Hutch was with him every step of the way, "Take it easy, buddy. That's good. One at a time." He said with each step, with one hand on Starsky's shoulder and the other on his arm. Starsky desperately had something he wanted to share with Hutch. He just couldn't bring himself to talk about it in the hospital. It had to wait until he was home. That was today. Today, he would finally be able to tell Hutch all about it.

They made it inside and Hutch helped Starsky to the couch. He got extra pillows from the bedroom and made sure Starsky was comfortable. He went to into the kitchen and got a glass of ice water for both of them. He handed Starsky his glass along with a couple of pills that was now a part of his daily routine. Starsky hated taking pills, but he knew it would be just for a few more weeks and he was already taken off a few of them.

Once he was sure Starsky had taken his pills and was comfortable, Hutch sat where he could look right into his partner's eyes next to him on the couch and said, "Out with it."

"Huh, out with what?"

"Starsk, I'm your best friend, I know you better than you know yourself. You have wanted to tell me something for a long time. I think it has something to do with the shooting. I knew you wanted to wait until you were home. You're home, out with it."

Starsky took a sip of his water and said, "You're good, Hutch, real good." He smiled at his buddy. "You're also right. There is something I have wanted to tell you, but I couldn't say it in the hospital."

"Okay, I'm listening."

"Hutch, you're going to think I'm crazy."

"I've known that for a long time, pal." He chuckled then seeing the seriousness in Starsky's eyes, changed his own look to one of worry and said, "Starsk, I'm here for you, no matter what you know that, right?" He put his hand on Starsky's leg.

"Well, okay her it goes. Do you remember when my heart stopped?"

"Of course I do. I thought mine would too."

Starsky took a deep breath and said, "Hutch, I saw everything."

"You mean when you were dead?"

"Just listen okay." Hutch nodded. "I remember being in a lot of pain. Then I felt nothing. All the pain was gone. I floated above my body. I can't explain it except that I could see everything. I saw the nurse doing CPR on me. I couldn't feel anything. I saw the doctor and more nurses come in. They gave me drugs and shocked me and I felt nothing. Then I saw my Dad. I don't know how, but I know it was him." He smiled at the memory as tears rolled down his cheeks he said, "He said he was proud of me, Hutch. He said he loved me and he was proud of me. He also told me it wasn't my time, but I could stay with him if I chose too. Get this, he told me that we were going to get married and you and I both were going to have a kid one day." He laughed wiping away his tears, "Imagine us, married with kids. He even told me he's been watching us. You and me, he's watching us. Next, I saw Dobey on the phone and somehow I knew he was calling you." He took a sip of his water, Hutch did to. Tears were forming in both their eyes again. "I couldn't feel anything. I thought I should feel pain, but I felt nothing. Then I saw you, Hutch. You were drinking a cup of coffee and playing with a ping pong ball. But I didn't just see you, I felt your pain. You thought I was dead, and I guess I was. I felt what you did, all the heartache, the loss the sorrow. I even felt your headache and nausea. I could feel it all. I knew then, I had to live. I had to go back into my own body. I know this sounds weird and I can't explain it either. I couldn't let you go through that."

Hutch looked at Starsky, but not like a I think you're crazy look. It was a look of total belief and love. A slow smile came across his face and he said, "We've always known that we have connection beyond our understanding. I guess this proves it." He sat next to Starsky and put his arm around him and continued, "Those few minutes, that you were dead, were the worst few minutes of my life. I'm glad you came back to me, buddy."

"Me and Thee, Hutch."  
"Always, Starsk."


End file.
